Dark Secrets of the Alphabet, Part 1: The Gashleycrum Buffies

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by assorted Buffistas

A is for Angel, who's cursed with a soul
B is for Buffy, the half of his whole
C is Cordelia, the bitch with a heart
D is for Doyle, who was brave but not smart
E is for Evil with black leather pants
F is for Faith who wriggles and rants
G is for Giles, Buff's surrogate father
H is for Hank, the one who can't bother
I is for Irony, dramatic and not
J is for Justice, which cannot be got
K is for Kate, whose lip gloss is nude
L is for Lindsey, who never gets scr*wed
M is for Mom, who is missed very much
N is for Naked, all-gay and such
O is for Oz, the Pez Witch's Ex
P is for PORN, and by porn we mean...SEX!
Q is for quite, as in Quite Shirtless Gunn
R is for Riley, cardboardian one
S is for Spike, we all want him here
T is for Tim, "it's pronounced MY-near"
U is for unresolved, as in sexual tension
V is for vampires, did we neglect to mention?
W is for Willow, Sweet Geek Jewish Witch
X is for Xander, a mensch, no man-bitch
Y is for Yeska, who was called by a fool
Z is for Zeppo, because Xander's so cool

We've run out of letters. Poor Dawn, Gunn and Wesley
(and Anya and Tara), we're sorry. Expressly.
Alas, of the alphabet, we've reached the last
We have no more room for the rest of the cast

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