Buffy Haiku

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Betsy Hanes Perry

Giles's dark secret?
Just check out his diploma:
Oxford, Ohio


Writhing in the sheets
But, strangely, not erotic.
Now we miss Parker.

Camo, then castoffs.
How come the wicked vampires
Get all the great threads?

Astonishing insight,
Panache, presence, repartee;
Attention span: nil.

Costume designer
Caught me kissing her husband
Hence ponchos and hats.

Censors read Partridge on Slang
We'd never get aired.

You call this a part?
So-called "Bitch Monster Of Death"?
God, I miss Mamet.

S&M rumors?
Sure. Vamp as rape? No problem.
But girls kissing -- ick.

She was my Princess.
My Sire broke us up. I'll kill him.
I'm the Big Bad. I can put as many sodding syllables into a line as I bloody well want to

Aïoli hors d'oeuvres.
Oh, Mother mine, how COULD you?
My boyfriend is dust.

Anya G.

Six days of research
Victims with eyes exploding
Her skirt meant no harm

She drew a pink heart
On the cast. Riley misses
His drugs and purpose.

Streets are emptier now.
Colder mornings. Some screaming.
Fall in Sunnydale.

The sacred duty
Is harder when the fiends
Are this attractive.

Demon lunges at Xander.
Fight? Flirt? He tries to recall
The difference.

Slasher haiku

Their shock at Willow
Is failing to fool me. Gay,
Every one of them.

Try it the other way

Buff and her boy blush
Meaningful glances at stakes
Witches topple the bed


Say goodbye, Xander
To greasy Elvis hairdo
Better luck next year.

Deborah Grabien

As the full moon wanes
Let my dogboy hit the road
Tara's my umfriend

Wanton cherry lips
leather pants and psychosis
Slayerbitch, chill out

For Anya

once, I'd give you boils
Ack! My power jewel has gone!
let's just get naked

Lisa Klisch

Ponchos are evil
Willow cannot dress herself
is naked better?

For Madrigal

Parker, Riley - NO!
We'd rather Buffy do a

Jon B.

He stands tall, cocky.
"The big bad is back!" he snarls.
Taser... Chip... Flaccid

Is Walsh the Big Bad?
Skewer through the heart --- "Mommy."
No, I guess she's not.

Election haiku:

Riley lives, Oz leaves?
Did our ballots get thrown out?
Count the votes again!

With six episodes
Reporting, exit polls say
Little Sis leads shark

Tara's a redneck?
THAT'S the big secret? Oh, Joss,
We want a recount!

Can it be true that
Florida's on a Hellmouth?
Will Dubya Ascend?

Dana D.

Buffy's Fashion Sense
All pashmina, all the time
That is so passé.

Rasta leprechaun
Here to help Buffy battle
"'Dat's me only shirt!"

Mark Connorton

swivel headed bitch
grabs taciturn guitarist:
much angst for Willow

Jim Eaton

Odd premonitions,
Killed Kendra so easily
What's with the accent?

We in the UK
No eps until the new year
Bootleg the puppy?

many englishmen
when facing apocalypsii
clean specs with school ties


doing "spells" in room
xander wishes he was there
joss screws the censors

so Buffy obsessed
girlfriend knows--for birthday she
bought me monster book.


Made bitter by life
Neanderthal manifest
She now knows beer bad

David S.

Willow wakes blinking
Oz tenderly strokes his witch
Pez love forever

Xander no powers,
often hurt, but dog loyal
defines the word "mensch"


Silent sunsets, hush,
Obscene handsigns build tension,
Fortune favors Tara.

Stephen Roberts

flash forward 4 years
Buffy graduates college
gets job as hole punch

243 year old
boyfriend obsessed with Buffy.
Gotta love him though.

Madrigal Costello

Willow's fashion sense
Scarier than vampires by far
Oh for Giles' chainsaw!

Riley resents that
Miss Kitty Fantastico
gets much better lines

Angus Gordon

Some Season 3 haiku

A girl drops a ring.
A glimpse of hard, wet buttocks.
Looks like Angel's back.

The Hellmouth opens.
From the boiler room, a voice:
"I like the quiet."

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