David Mamet's Sexual Perversity in Sunnydale

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by Betsy Hanes Perry but All Jim's Fault

Act 1, Scene 1.

ANGEL: You won't believe it.
SPIKE: Try me.
ANGEL: "I'm not like them. I've got a soul."
SPIKE: You're f*ing kidding.
ANGEL: Nope.
SPIKE: She bought it?
ANGEL: Yeah. (Pause)
SPIKE: You're f*ing kidding.
ANGEL: Nope.
SPIKE: One for the books.

Act 1, Scene 2.

WILLOW: He loves you?
BUFFY: Yeah.
WILLOW: What a patsy.
BUFFY: Yup. But a good kisser.
WILLOW: The patsies always are. But the jerks are better.
BUFFY: Wonder about that blond friend of his...
WILLOW: (pause)
BUFFY: You're sh*ting me.
WILLOW: Would I...
BUFFY: Is the Pope....?
They laugh.

Act 2.

SPIKE: You bitch, you think you own him.
BUFFY: I own him?
SPIKE: You think you do.
BUFFY: Maybe I do.
SPIKE: You think so.
BUFFY: I know so.
SPIKE: Bitch.

Act 3, Scene 1.

BUFFY: Angel!
ANGELUS: Try again.
BUFFY: But....
ANGELUS: But nothing.
BUFFY: But I loved you.
ANGELUS: (laughs; pause)
BUFFY: It was love!
ANGELUS: (shrugs)
BUFFY: Bastard. (stakes him)

Act 3, Scene 2.

BUFFY: And that was it.
WILLOW: Miss him?
BUFFY: Can you miss a prick?
WILLOW: If it's been long enough...
BUFFY: It was long enough.... (pause)
BUFFY: Is Blondie still free?

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