Angel in Falsettoland
(To the tune of "The Baseball Game" from Falsettoland )

by PersephoneMoon

   CORDY / FRED / WES / GUNN
We're sitting, and watching Angel the father,
We're watching Angel the father,
We're watching vampires,
Who cannot have children play --
We're watching vampires,
Who should not have children play --

   WES
I hate babies, I really do. Unlike the rest of you, I hate babies.

   FRED & CORDY
We really wish he'd take this more seriously...

   GUNN
Hey, I like that he's occupied.

   WES
It's good how he's occupied... so why do I want to run and hide...?

   CORDY / FRED / WES / GUNN
We're sitting, and watching Angel change diapers,
We're watching Angel change diapers,
This is a vampire, who
When under the weather,
Wears leather.
And this looks baaaaaaaaaaaad.

   WES
Remember Mad About You? This is awful -- this is really awful.

   GUNN
Take heart from Sunnydale -- if Dawn can make it, anything we do here can't break it...

   CORDY / FRED / WES / GUNN
We're sitting, and watching Angel and Capy,
We're watching Angel and Capy
We're watching vampires,
We're watching vampires,
We're watching -- why, Angel? Why, Angel? Why????

   WES [looks up]
What's Lindsey doing here?

   CORDY [pointed, to Lindsey]
What are you doing here?

   LINDSEY
Angel asked me to come, since he asked me to come, I came....

   CORDY
Just who I wanted standing in my office, my ex-boss' ex-lawyer! Isn't that who every woman dreams about having walk back into her life?

   ANGEL
Looking at Lindsey is like drinking blood...

   FRED
The kid's got out!

   WES
That kid's not safe!

   CORDY
THE KID'S GOT OUT!?

   WES
That kid's not safe...

   LINDSEY [holding little Capy]
Hey! I love babies, I love babies, that's what I'm doing here...

   ANGEL
Look who's here... say hello...

   LINDSEY
Hello

   ANGEL
You're looking more evil than ever...

   LINDSEY [spoken]
Angel

   ANGEL [spoken]
Lindsey

   LINDSEY [to Cordy]
He still beige?

   ANGEL
Am I beige?

   CORDY
I don't know...

   LINDSEY
Doesn't matter.

   ANGEL
It's been so long since I could tell...
Come shake hands with me! I wanna feel the evil!
C'mon, c'mon...just shake hands with me, it gives me tingles to feel the evil...
Since it's the only physical imperfection that you've got...
I wanna feel it... I wanna touch it... I wanna lose myself in it...

   CORDY / FRED / WES / GUNN
We're sitting, and watching Lindsey hold Capy,
We're watching Angel change nappies,
Watching boys twist, boys pat,
Boys this, boys that,
Watching Angel, confused, how about that?

   [Fred rushes over to where Angel is haplessly trying to bottle feed little Capy.]

   FRED
Keep one hand on his head,
Hold the bottle just so,
Keep on hand on his head,
Your other arm there,
Take a breath, and let it out and [off Angel's look] -- oh.

   CORDY & GUNN
Keep one hand on his head,
Hold the bottle just so,
Keep one hand on his head,
Your other arm there,
Nevermind, just hand the kid to Fred!

   [Fred takes Capy and the bottle, and sits down on the sofa with him]

   ANGEL
With both hands, he looks good...

   LINDSEY
Just remember he's not human...

   ANGEL
He looks damn good, but I've got this curse.

   LINDSEY
Even maniacs can charm, which he does.

   ANGEL
So beware...

   LINDSEY
And just be careful...

   ANGEL
When he smiles that smile avoid him or else sound the alert!

   ANGEL & LINDSEY
How could I know, without him, my life would be boring as shit?

   ANGEL
But it is.

   LINDSEY
Yes it is...

   ANGEL & LINDSEY
Please, now, don't let me make the same mistake!

   CORDY / FRED / WES / GUNN
We're sitting, and hearing Angelic chatter,
We know our protests don't matter,
Because this story's just beginning,
And though neither team is winning,
And there's no hope for them,
But the subtext is loaded, and...


   ANGEL [to Lindsey]
Would it be possible to see you or to kiss you or to give you a call?

   CORDY / FRED / WES / GUNN
Anything's possible -- just hear Capy bawl!


Author's Quote

"Well, somehow what started out as a filk about Dad!Angel turned into Angel/Lindsey slash completely by accident. Go figure."

Originally posted in Angel 5: I Almost Forgot To Brood (#1116), WX, Dec 4, 2001.