I've Got a Theory - Angel, Season 3
(To the tune of "I've Got a Theory" from Once More with Feeling )

by Katie M

   CORDELIA
I've got a theory
That it's a capybara
An ensouled capy!
No, something isn't right there.

   WESLEY
I've got a theory
This kid is crappy
And it will end the world before it's out of day care

   ANGEL
I've got a theory
We know sex is bad

   CORDELIA, WESLEY, and FRED
Don't look so dreary
Why be leery of being a dad?

   FRED
It should be Cordy's!
Kye-rumption Cordy's!
Which is ridiculous 'cause we all know Angel's a eunuch and she's too smart and Buffy-love and it's just wrong and I'll be over here.

   GUNN
I've got a theory!
That we should stake her!

[Silence. Crickets chirping.]

   ANGEL
I've got a - -

   GUNN [belting]
Vampires are just bad and we shouldn't be helping
To save them but to kill them despite Angel's yelping!
This ain't a demon brothel!
I still want to know don't we stake 'em anymore?
Stake her!
Stake her!
I want to stake her!
   [Pyrotechnics.]

...Or maybe torch her.

   WESLEY
I've got a theory it's all in a scroll - -

   WESLEY and FRED
Let's look it up, because it matters if it's got a soulů

   ANGEL
I've got a theory - -

[Thankfully, before they get to the sappy stuff Darla eats them all.]


Originally posted in Angel 3: The Schmuck Bait Arms (#9383), WX, November 9, 2001.