The Year of the Wedding
(To the tune of "The Year of the Child" from Falsettoland )

by PersephoneMoon

   ANYA
Xander, hon hello! Are you packed and waiting?
But before we go, let me speak with Willow alone.
Willow, as the wedding nears
(Xander why don't you just go over there),
since this is the last friendly thing we'll prob'ly ever do together,
let's act adult and not go crazy.

   WILLOW
Have you chosen yet who'll cater?

   XANDER
What about it?

   WILLOW
I had an idea about --

   ANYA [speaking over her]
It's a personal opinion who's gonna cater!

   XANDER [speaking over both of them]
Can't we consider Willow's idea here? Please? Please?

   SPIKE
Stop!
This is so much crap.
Anyone can see that marriage is a trap,
that ensnares the weak and the dumb,
stop with the vows.

   XANDER
How can we stop with the vows, when it's a wedding?

   SPIKE
The whole thing's voodoo, and I know more than you do!

   ALL EXCEPT XANDER
This is the year for Xander to marry.
We're more excited than we should be --
This is the phase of the show when we throw up our hands...
There's terror in his heart, his life's about to start,
He's just a little tired, our guy...

   ANYA
My guy...

   WILLOW
Our guy...

   ANYA
Our guy...

   SPIKE
Children, please.
C'mon, just throw a celebration and relax --
I'll bring demons from the wrong side of the tracks.
We'll have a ball.
   [sighs]
I guess I'll have to raise some hell by myself.
   [exits]

   ANYA
Isn't he annoying? Isn't he too much?

   XANDER
Yes but so are you, really kiddo, so are you.

   ANYA
Isn't he annoying?

   WILLOW
Hey Xander, where's my hug?

   ANYA
Where's my hug?

   [WILLOW EXITS]

   ANYA, DAWN, & BUFFY
This is the year for Xander to marry,
This is the year for Xander to marry.

   [TARA AND WILLOW ENTER]

   XANDER
Look, look, look, look, look, it's a lesbian from outside!

   WILLOW
Followed by her lover who's a lesbian from outside too.
And we've got spells for you, fantastic spells for you --
it's nouvelle wedding cuisine!

   TARA
Here's all-enchanted petit fours, and sugar cookies, food that's from the heart --

   XANDER
Seconds, please!

   WILLOW
So take a bite and see, and then if you agree, it's yours!

   ALL
Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yum!

We'll have one perfect time!

   ANYA
We'll spend billions of dollars!

   XANDER
Conga!

   ALL
We'll have flowers and wine...
And the band will sound fine!
There'll be chandeliers set 'round the room
With the men in tuxedoes...
There'll be food, like food never before,
What a day to remember!

This is the year for Xander to marry....

   XANDER
They're more excited than they should be.

   ALL EXCEPT XANDER
This is the phase of the show when we throw up our hands...
There's terror in his heart, his life's about to start,
It's Xander, god knows why....
Our.....guy!


Author's Quote

Filked from "The Year of the Child" from Falsettoland, which was the song in my head all afternoon; this takes place after the engagement party at the end of All the Way. If you don't know the show, this song is pretty "talky."

Originally posted in Buffy 10: Serious to the Amount of Ten (#962), WX, January 31, 2002.